First thoughts


I became a Christian at age 5. Or so I’m told. I have a memory of it, but can’t accurately tell if the memory is of that event or was produced from reconstructions of the telling. My mother says my behaviour changed around then. But I’ve seen dramatic behaviour changes in my kids that are age related, so who knows.

I was an earnest Christian for the next 35 years or so, with a few (I’d say normal) wobbles. I was an altar boy in the Anglican church for a couple of years – somewhat high anglican. I was in the charismatic church for a number of years. I was in the church of england and presbyterian churches for most of my adult life.

I was baptised with full immersion as a young adult. I would later take a more nuanced view and get my kids baptised as infants.

I had an eye injury which was healed miraculously. I led bible studies and alpha courses. I was involved in bringing several of my friends to Christianity. I talked in tongues. I spent time convincing and arguing for the faith to flagging Christians and seekers. I spent time wrestling with theological difficulties. I continue to be involved in my church. Many of my friends and family are Christian, which I respect. Their stories are not mine.

I went on a sort of spiritual journey recently which was done for interesting reasons and led somewhere interesting. I expected it to be a much longer journey with much more ambivalent results. Most Christians, including my former self, would encourage such journeys, with a firm conviction that it could only lead to a deeper and more meaningful faith.

I was left with my head spinning, as I discovered that I was now an atheist. Or an agnostic. Whatever. The difference to my Christian self was huge. Now, I don’t really see much difference. Regardless of the label, I believe there is insufficient evidence, and that the burden of proof is on the theist. I’m open to evidence. I thought I was always evidence based.

This blog is going to be an opportunity for me to journal some of my thoughts. Experiences that I had, and what I now think. Many people think this is a passing phase. I’m about to read the dark night of the soul. So who knows where the journey will lead.